I stayed up late to be awake when it became 11-19. I cried, I ached, I longed to have been up for other reasons. Such as decorating for him to wake up and see our excitement for him and being with us another year, prepping to make his favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner to celebrate the light he is.
Instead, today, we are planning a day to just remember our boy, our son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin….
6 years old he’d be, but now age doesn’t mark him. We celebrate here because on earth, there is still time and dates to never forget for they once birthed great joy but now are mixed with great loss and sorrow.
Celebrate and remember. He was too much of a light, joy, too strong and far too silly to write this day off as only a day to mourn. There is great celebration in today.
Zekey is always a part of our family. He was written in our family and will never be taken off the list. Zekey isn’t here, but he is. Zekey has died, but Zekey lives. Zekey’s final breath came but his story still reaches the hearts of so many.
How can this be? How can we still go on or still rejoice? How is it possible to continue to not just walk out this life without him here, but to do it fully, living out our callings?
How is it that, a boy, who lived so much life, who was called son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin and friend and then left this world far too soon, how can we still move on and get through?
We are not in denial. We do not temporarily ease the pain with drugs or alcohol. We do not make up stories about where he is so that we feel warm and fuzzy inside. We do not call him an angel nor do we say he is alive simply because we can’t handle his death.
Jesus. Jesus Christ, the son of God.
He is why. He is the only reason why.
Jesus made a way for all who love and miss Zekey, to see him again. When Jesus conquered death, death didn’t have a hold on any of us who call on the name of Jesus as Lord. It’s really that simple but it’s also really that amazing. That’s our HOPE!
Our lives here are powerful. Our life impacts others either for the good or bad. Lives bring us great joy and when they are taken, great sadness. So many emotions in our hearts.
But, it doesn’t have to end here. You guys, it REALLY DOESN’T!! We can have a second and final life that is unending, full of great joy, no tears, no fear, no anxiety, no loss…can you imagine?! Zekey is living that out right now. In the arms of his Heavenly Father, because of Jesus. Wow.
I miss him. I miss him every day, every holiday, every birthday, and someday, weddings where he should have been standing up by his siblings- I will feel that ache. I miss holding him and kissing him, stroking his thick, beautiful brown hair, looking into his deep, brown eyes and that smile…oh that big ole’ smile.
I want you all to know this Hope that I know. I truly do. I mean, God wants you to know His love. You can’t know it until you accept it. And to accept it requires only that you realize that you need something, someONE greater than yourself. Jesus. And you don’t have to get yourself right, first. You don’t have to stop doing the things you do that you know are wrong….He takes us as we are and will be the only one who can help you become the ‘You’ you were always created to be.
Without Christ, I am empty. Without Him, there is no life in me, not really. Without him, death and sin have a hold on me….
But with Him, I get to be free from my sin, my despair, eternal death. I find life. Real life and when this one ends on earth, the next will never end and I’ll be with my one, big family who lived and died as Christ as their Lord.
How does Zekey’s birthday bring me to sharing you The Gospel? I have Hope because of it. Real Hope and it’s the ONLY thing that gets me through.
If you are local, we’d LOVE to have you hear more about Jesus at our church, Hope Church (now you know where its’ name came from!). If you are not local, you can still listen online to sermons. We are a “come as you are” kind of church, because God receives us as we are. We want to love you where you are, but as a body, we all want to become more of who God created us to be, in His image.
Zekey, you’d be 6 today, but now you are ageless. I love and miss you every day. Happy birthday, sweet boy…until we meet again.
Ezekiel 11:19 (his birthday verse…who knew?! God):
“19I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them a heart of flesh.20Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people and I will be their God.”
Ezekiel Todd Holt 11-19-09 – 03-23-14
You little stinker….
I mean, so handsome, right?!
Oh, be still my heart. I will see them together again!
That day at Innis Woods….
I found them worshipping in the background
Why I loved that really, crazy winter. We were all stuck inside and it was beautiful.
Yes! So much fun! haha!
The love of a father….
Until we meet again, sweet, sweet boy. I love you.