When the coroner came to take Zekey’s old body away, the same body I had carried in my womb for 9 months and the same body we loved through kisses and cuddles for a full 4 years 4 months and 4 days on this earth, I was standing up with Zekey in my arms and this man’s eyes met mine and he couldn’t speak as tears filled his eyes.
It’s as if he was surprised. Maybe Zekey’s age threw him off. Maybe a mother standing strong, ready to give the old body away knowing it wasn’t her son anymore, as that body I loved had given into the brokenness of this world and had brought so much suffering to my boy and it was over and it had ended and I was so relieved- my boy had gone Home. Maybe it was the very presence of God surrounding all of us in the Zekey Room. Whatever it was, he was stunned.
When Zekey’s old body had gone away with the two men, I remember yelling out to Andy, “DID HE KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM!!!?!?!”
Through the pain of watching him suffer, the frustrations of watching him forget what he had just learned the week prior, when the disease was rearing it’s ugly head, I was angry. I was angry at Batten disease and I wanted to be able to make it stop and get my boy back.
What I have been so thankful for is that with each milestone that would go, and when my anger would come out, Zekey stayed strong. Under the obvious suffering, he didn’t stop being who God created him to be. Honestly, he began to really bring to life the truth- God creates us in His image. He was such a good example of a life we are called to live and, just as his name is defined, God strengthened.
I know now that Zekey knew how much I loved him. I got a taste of that just moments before he went Home to Jesus, when my words in his ear, telling him my love for him as well as all those who love him, would make his heart beat faster, telling me he loved me, too, literally with his heart.
And being in Heaven, he knows perfectly how loved he is because He is in he presence of his Creator, God. He lacks nothing.
Until tomorrow and through Zekey’s birthday, November 19th….