As I’ve been writing, my fingers feel cold and stiff, unable to type out the words- my heart is heavy. I’ve been aching more as Zekey’s birthday nears. I stop more and think of him more and just miss him more.
At the school where I assist the teachers, I see sweet 4 year olds turning 5 and I think, Zekey would be here, too. All the memories seem to be throwing themselves at me, all at once and it seems it’s getting harder, not easier.
When Zekey first went Home, I was so relieved. I wanted his suffering to be over. As time goes on, I ache more as I don’t have a suffering Zekey in my arms to pray into Heaven. I miss him each and every day. We all do…
Today I want to share my thankfulness for Cyrus, Eisley and Bexley. They fill my arms up with their cuddles and they make us laugh with their silliness. As they grow, we excitedly get to see the gifts God has placed in them, come to life.
We started the older two in piano lessons and it’s amazing to see when something is awakened in a child that brings an outlet to worship. All of a sudden, our afternoons are filled with piano playing as well as guitar strumming. Who knew?
I imagine Zekey listening, as he loved music so much! It made him laugh and brought out the silliest parts of him.
Their childlike faith makes my heart ache with Joy. Their memories of Zekey, their ideas of Heaven, the dreams they have of their brother- I’m always in awe of God through them.
I don’t know the details of theology with the connection we have with Zekey now but I know that we do have a spiritual bond made by the blood of Jesus. So when I pray, I feel closest to him for I pray to the One who is holding my boy.
What a gift to have 3 healthy children to raise in the Lord, to enjoy the rest of my days and make new memories with.
We are living and enjoying and making memories. We are laughing and crying and sharing The Hope we have because #ZekeyLives.
To read previous posts on thankfulness, go here.
Thank you for lifting us up to God, who carries us through and through.