In My Grief…

I’m still learning so much about grief. It has so many facets and is unique to every individual. I’ll never know it perfectly, although, I know it more than I ever asked for.

Grief, for me, is often something I have to remember is a part of my life now. Life gets busy and every month, you know, that time of the month for every woman, forces me to deal with it. Believe it or not, I’m thankful for her,  that monthly reminder.

It’s as if she says, “Listen, you need help, girl. You are busy doing and loving and working, but I’m here to put a halt to it all. It’s going to have to slow down so you can remember and ache and cry.”

And when I do, when I listen to my body, a gift from God (did I just call my period a gift?!) it’s when I write best, I think. I am slowed down so much and my emotions come rolling out and it is so annoying and yet, it’s so, so beautiful and good.

There are months I remember well and take the advice given from her to remember the good, bad and ugly. To stay in these memories long enough to pray and ask Jesus to meet me there and bring any healing I need.

God isn’t limited to time for He created it. We can go to those places in our past and ask Him to meet us there. To bring healing and comfort. And honestly, He was already there- sometimes we just need to see Him.

Weeping is beautiful, especially when it’s for someone you loved and impacted you greatly. So is laughter, laughing at the funny memories of the one you loved and laughing with those who are still with you now.

Questioning is good and going deeper with God in them is even better. He can handle our questions. Take Him along the ride, do not leave Him for the temporary tramps of this world- fame, money, followers, fans, nice things, etc.

Don’t be afraid of grieve. Bask in it, even as you go on living. Take the good memories and my prayer is that you live in the Hope of Jesus, so you can go on living, believing without a doubt, all your tears will someday be wiped away, you can go on living in these gifts of The Cross and feel is powerful healing wash over you daily, making you more like Himself.

This is how garment collective was born. I am doing this because of Zekey and how his love and strength and joy pushed me to pursue a dream I had as a young girl. And I see God blessing it. Andy is writing a book and it’s because of Zekey and how God showed himself faithful as we walked through loss, disappointment and now grief. Grief doesn’t rule us, grief is a part of the equation…in our grief, we find Jesus and He empowers us to go beyond our grief and bless others.

We’re doing just fine- yes, even the kids. Jesus is still walking with us. I cannot wait to hug my Savior and thank Him for these eternal gifts.

We are thankful for your prayers. We are so thankful for your kind words of encouragment, reminding us that our call to share much of Him in all of this, is moving mountains. God is worth being made known and we will continue to share for any who want to stay awhile.

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Thank you for your grace and love as we walk this life, no longer with our Zekey but living out Hope in Heartache, knowing, #ZekeyLives

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Here is an image I captured, as I wrote. Tear stained cheeks but Hope. Oh that sweet Hope.

Writing out thankfulness that #ZekeyLives. Read previous post here.





  • Reply November 9, 2014

    Sonia Bejtja

    Hi dear Breena…..
    I am a mother of 2 joyful boys and l am from Albania, Europe….since l read for the first time your very touching story l feel really a different person. My entire life and that of my family totally changed…..
    My littlest son has been diagnosticated with generic epilepssia and l am afraid of that…for more Albania has a long and suffering story on what concern Religion and faith in God….and this due to the very past communist system..
    But reading your posts and the way you are facing your loss by the strong faith in God….oh Man….this is the most beautiful lesson of life for me….
    Since the very first day l looked at your instagram and later to your blogs..something really strange is happening to me….every night l dream of Zekey….and the day after l talk to everybody l meet about him showing pictures of him how amazing and beautiful he was even his last moments on earth…and l am doing this even with my kids…my older of 6 – Alen, he already knows the entire story asking me for last updates…he even asked me days ago “mami…if you will give us another brother please promise us he will be named Zekey”….meantime when l look at the littlest of 4- Ron….oh my God…he is soooo similar to Zekey in very things…such the fact that he is always restless and he is into everything and even the face….l will post some pictures of him on my instagram page.
    What l will begg for now to you is this one: Next time you go to put on some flowers to Zekey grave…can you please put on 4 white roses from my family?

    • Reply November 10, 2014



      This is beautiful and encouraging. Thank you for sharing. Truly. Could you please comment on my Instagram so I know who you are. Thank you.

      God bless!


  • […] In My Grief… […]

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