A Letter To Zeke

Dear Ezekiel Todd,

I’m excited, buddy. I think it’s almost time! I can’t help but feel you’re body will not be suffering much longer. You’re laying in the hospital bed next to daddy as he seems to be your favorite at night. I’m very much okay with this.

Your iv is in and you don’t love it but I think you’ll learn to. I imagine that this iv is being held by angels who sing over you, giving all praise to Our Heavenly Father. Praising Him for all He is and the work I believe He is doing in you right now. As you lay so peacefully, I can’t help but think it’s time.

I am over here on this very small bed and I was looking up other ways to help you, sweet boy. Realizing your body has been fighting so hard to keep out foods you’re allergic to that it’s been unable to differ between the good and bad so, your body fights against itself.

After I found good information to work off of for now, I was able to finally rest on this small couch-bed and I just cried. I cried out to God saying, “I know what I want again, God! I want this to be it! I’m so ready for Your healing hand to come down. Please, please. May Zekey be healed now. May Your kingdom come in his body tonight and forever and ever.”

My tears and prayer were interrupted by the nurse who come in to check on you every hour. I remember this all to well when we were in the hospital for your ketogenic diet. Every hour they came in and woke you up. You already had a difficult time going to sleep so this was added stresser on you, and on me. It was a very difficult 4 nights as you were poked, prodded and there was room for more respect than we were shown but that’s okay, sweet boy. God had other plans. We just needed to wait and trust and as always, follow His lead.

Here we are, at a place that has brought much redemption. Dr.’s who seem to understand you better. Dr.’s who are moving quicker and have better options. Dr.’s who have led you to this bed that you lay so peacefully next to daddy.

I cannot say for sure it’s the time but I cannot lie and say I don’t think it is, because I do. I’m hopeful. I’m excited. I’m loving that you’re sleeping and not waking up. Something is different. Something seems good for once. I sit here and I’m peaceful.

I should be trying to sleep on this couch-bed thing. But as I prayed again, I felt this warmth and peace after I asked God to just hold me, to hold you. And then I had no exhaustion. I felt I needed to write this letter to you.

I have been praying for the day you are healed and how I’ll express that no matter how it’s done, it’s a miracle by God. If Dr.’s are involved, how do I explain that without God, you wouldn’t be healed? How do I make sure this time we’ve gone through, watching you waste away, slipping through our fingers as we tried to grasp what we could not? How, sweet boy, do I tell them it was the hand of God who saved you and not just mere humans?

Who created these men and women Dr.’s and nurses? Who knit them together in their mother’s womb? Who had a plan for their lives long before they were even born? Who gave them the gifts of knowledge and wisdom and the brains to be able to understand things I cannot? Who? God did these things and more.

Who listened as so many of The Body prayed on your behalf? Who is even capable to hear more than one, let alone billions of prayers at once and tend to them as if there was only one? Who? Our heavenly Father.

And who loves us not only to live a perfect life but died the perfect death so that we could have eternal life in heaven? Who loves us so much that he’s sitting on the right hand of The Father interceding on our behalf? Who? Jesus, the son of God.

And who can we say brought us the comfort that no human could as you suffered and as we cried so many times? Who can we give credit for leading readers to read your story and to pray? The Holy Spirit who is alive and working.

A beautiful dance of The Trinity.

Oh, sweet boy. May everyone who has heard your miraculous story understand these very things. That although I will be forever thankful for the actual humans (Dr.’s, prayer warriors, friends, family, etc.) who have played a part in all of this, I will not deny that it was God who was in it the whole time, blessing us with these lovely people. It was He who had a plan that was far more intricate that any of our minds could understand here on earth.

When you are walking and running and talking again, I do hope that you too will understand who blessed you with healing. That God never owed it to you or us, but graciously brought down His healing hand upon you, sweet boy. God chose you for a story that is touching thousands and maybe someday, millions.

May your words be full of praise for what God has done! May daddy and I never forget this 1.5 years of hell on earth and how God made it a beautiful sign of His power, grace, goodness and might.

And we’re all so excited to get to know you more. What a beautiful thing! I know Cyrus and Eisley have been wanting to hear you tell them you love them because they love you, buddy. What a celebration we have ahead of us!

My prayer that I’m sure will not ever really have an end:

“Praise You, heavenly Father. For what you’ve done in our hearts and minds the last year and a half. Of course, we lift up Your name for Zeke’s healing. I will forever be grateful. May Your kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven as we wait expectantly for revival on this earth. Where more and more hearts are turned to You, for You alone are worthy.

I pray this with true peace, that You’ve done and are doing what so many of us have prayed for on Zeke’s behalf.

Amen. May it be so.”


Your momma who loves you so!

IMG 0515 from Andy Holt on Vimeo.

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