The other night I was up and couldn’t fall asleep. During these times I try and pray and see what/who is put on my heart. This time, it didn’t seem to specific so I lifted Zekey up. Then, I tried to go back to sleep and that wasn’t happening. THEN, I did the unthinkable…I.got.on.Facebook. :gasp:
As I was scrolling, I saw that even though it was 3ish a.m. my time, there was a post from the group I ”liked’ “Just Eat Real Food” sharing the very first book ever written about and for those who have an autoimmune disease and want to eat Paleo. I had this rush go over me and thought, “I don’t want Zeke to have Dravet Syndrome. I want to clean out his gut and feed him foods that will reduce inflammation. I want God to heal him through food.”
After that thought I went directly to prayer. “Oh, God. I liked it so much better when I didn’t have an opinion…where I just asked you to do Your thing (bc why would I pick between two bad things, Dravet or an autoimmune disease for my son…one was kinda worse, but they both suck) and I would trust you for Zeke’s healing no matter what, even if it was a genetic disorder. I would have just kept praying for You to reverse that damage. Please get my heart right so I will be okay again, if he does in fact, have Dravet Syndrome. God, only you can heal.”
I told Andy the next morning (Yes, I actually waited until the sun came up). “Babe, I’m really struggling. I came across this post about autoimmune disease and how it can really reverse a lot of damage and heal a person through illuminating foods that, even though they are extremely healthy for most people, cause inflammation in others. I don’t want him to have Dravet Syndrome. I want his brain to be inflamed (I am the worst sinner! haha!) and we change his diet and we watch the seizures slowly drift away, to nothing.”
Now I had a request but I didn’t want to give it over to God because I was more comfortable when I was okay with whatever happened and giving my request gave room for ‘God to ‘fail’ me (I’m being rediculous…He never fails) and trusting no matter what, God is Healer….but I did.
I did give it to God. What I think is that this whole time, God’s been preparing my heart because I’m seeking Him with my everything. I fail, still. Like when I plan out Zeke’s healing with details and my timing. That’s me making up and living in a future that doesn’t exist.
Requests to God are good, encouraged and commanded by God to pray about but making them a reality isn’t good. And believing in Zeke’s healing is good and God is calling us to it, but I need to live in today. Living with what we’ve been given today and not trying to worry about tomorrow’s ‘how’ or ‘who’ or ‘what’ is so important in this life. Read my previous post for more on this…really I just want you to read the post I tagged…it’s good. 😉
So, today? Is your house a bit messy? Just ask for your pastors to come and pray in your home and THAT will give you motivation you never thought you had, to clean! ha..ha..ha..No, seriously, though. My house is really clean. 😉
Today, we were once again shown the Love of Jesus being displayed by our pastors coming into our home to pray throughout it and to pray over our sweet boy. This wasn’t a quick time as a part of their daily schedule. Maybe it was, but it didn’t feel like it. They took time to hear our hearts so we all knew what to specifically pray for. We waited for the Holy Spirit to speak. Scripture was read. It was amazing. We are so thankful to be a part of such a church as this.
Later on in the day, we found out that Zekey boy DOESN’T HAVE DRAVET SYNDROME! And we praised Jesus together as a family full of laughter, claps, dancing and prayer. God can heal Dravet. God can heal the blind, the lame. NOTHING is too big for God. And we still have a long road ahead of us. But I’m so thankful he doesn’t have this genetic disorder.
We have only been told by the nurse that works with Zeke’s neurologist, to get him scheduled at an ophthalmologist and we do not exactly know why. Did the dr. see something in the MRI involving his eyes? I don’t ‘know but I do know that God is in this…He hasn’t left us and if you’re reading this He’s pursuing you through this blog as you read it. He is always pursuing you, no matter if you know it or feel it. He’s a fighter-for-our-hearts because He knows what’s best for us…Him.
God’s love is perfect and has no end. He wants you to know that and respond to it. He wants you to say ‘yes’ to Him. He wants to show You who He is because if you really knew and understood His love for you, there’s no way you would turn away. So hear Him speak to you through all of this trial we are going through…as you read Zeke’s updates and you see how we are responding in our trial, know that it is because of a God that is so good that He’d send His ONE AND ONLY SON to die for your sins and mine, even when Jesus didn’t do a thing wrong that makes us respond how we are. God is beyond worth our every ounce of praise.
We are in the valley but we are not alone. With God and all of your prayers and kind words of encouragement, we know this. And this life isn’t the end for those who follow Jesus. We get an eternity where all disease, tears and sin are wiped away. Our minds cannot comprehend just how great it will be.