It was like heaven…

Today.  If I could bottle it up, I would.  I would place it in a clear jar, close the lid tight and look upon it whenever I needed a reminded of God’s goodness.

Oh, here come some more tears.  Our day started off going to our “new” church.  It’s funny, after attending even just 6 weeks, I feel like I don’t have to say “new”.  I could easily leave it at, “our church.”  After Ember had to close, I feared so much having to find a church that we felt God was calling us to, preached God’s word well, could handle Zeke and of course, finding a whole new community. 

As we took maybe…maybe one week off to just take in our crazy life before looking for churches, we prayed God would find us one quickly.  I just felt like he should at least do that, since it felt like the rest of our lives were crumbling to pieces.  (Seriously, ask anyone who did life with us, or read here.)

Praying that prayer and not really believing God would bless it, He totally did.  I knew He didn’t owe us anything, so I didn’t expect it.

The first week Andy went to a church and left knowing it wasn’t the place for us.  The second, he thought, “This could be the one!”  And, the rest is history!  LifePoint Church has been so genuinely loving, helpful, and it has been a real blessing watching these pastors meet with my husband often to get to know him.  We are quickly connecting and I can leave all of my kids knowing they are not only going to have fun, as many people care so (too) much about, but truly be taught about Jesus.  So, if you are looking, please consider.  I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, but you knew that 😉

My heart is broken (in a good way) every time we attend.  God’s done a lot in my heart in the few weeks we have attended and I am so thankful.  The pastors are genuine, and reach out without putting themselves at only arms length.  And if you must know, you fellow music and art snobs, the music-worship and graphics and are amazing and God=breathed.  I’m just so, so excited!

Anyway, we brought some friends with us from Ember who are dear to us.  They loved it too but I wasn’t really expecting anything less 😉  We got to spend lunch with them and another dear couple-friend of ours, also from Ember.  We decided we would make this a tradition so we can all see each other like we used to, dang-it!  It was full of laughter, good conversation, catching up and honestly, my kids really love them all too.  They are that great. :)

The best part of my day?  It was after an hour into the morning and I noticed that Zeke wasn’t having siezures. 

*A catch-me-up for those of you who do not know*.  Yesterday morning, Zeke had his worst seizure yet.  His ketones (He’s on the ketogenic diet) were low (not good) and he ended up having a seizure.  We had to use meds to get him out of it and he quickly went back into another.  It was so discouraging.
Typically, his seizures (small ones, not large ones that he doesn’t come out of) are the worst in the morning and then gradually get better throughout the day only to start from scratch again the next morning. 

So, this morning I noticed (because I watch him like a hawk), Zeke wasn’t having ANY seizures.  I was in disbelief. I was racking my brain wondering what we did the day before that would be making this dream a reality.  Then, like a ton of bricks I thought, His ketones were non-existant last night (again, NOT.GOOD.), there’s NO WAY he should be seizure free.  Guys.  It didn’t. Make. Sense.  The only answer was God.

I got in the shower and prayed as I cried my eyes out saying, “Oh, God!  What is this?! I have done everything on my end to save Zekey but in the last 2 weeks, all I do for him, measuring out every meal, taking him to the chiropractor a half hour a way 3 x’s a week, giving him meds,  these have all mysteriously fallen apart with no real reason.  Is this you?!  Is this your healing hand?!  I have tried everything, you know.  Can this  please be you because what I’m doing is just my way of not testing you.  All my efforts are not only exhausting but they cannot bring eternal healing.  But you, You oh God, you can heal him forever more.  I want this to be you, I want the only reason for Zeke’s healing to be because you have poured out Your grace and healing.”

This is the God I serve.  This is the God I believe in.  This God who lets me cry out to Him like a baby, informally, lacking faith.  He meets me where I am and holds me near, listening to every word I say.  He hasn’t left us but His ways are higher, He is working in the hearts of people in my life as they watch in horror to all that has gone on in the last 9-10 months.

Oh, did I mention Andy lost his job.  Yes, yes he did.  The Friday after Christmas.  How kind of them. 😉  Compared to all we have gone through with our sweet, sweet Zekey boy, this was almost laughable.  Laughable because it was such an evil, unfair, untrue act but it happened all the same.  We could fight it but we won’t.  We believe God is in even this. 

The verse that came to my mind immediately as Andy texted me the word, “fired” was, “Vengeance is mine!”sayeth the Lord.  And I left it at that.

So, I go to bed with fear and hope fighting each other in a cloud of smoke.  And as I type this, I remember my life verse(s). 

Jeremiah 17:7-8
7″But blessed are those
    who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord
    their hope and
8They are like trees planted
    along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep
    into the water.
Such trees are not bothered
    by the heat.

Today was a gift from God himself.  What tomorrow brings, I do not know.  But I can cling to truth.  Tomorrow is in God’s hands, so is Zeke’s life and all of my other sweet babe’s too.  I must look at it as a reminder to be thankful while believing with God, all things are possible.  Please pray with us. #sothankful
And an insecurity P.S.~  I have little time to blog but I am reminded again and again, not with number of views but with responses from some of you on how God’s using our story to help you through yours, that is why I keep doing this.  I don’t have time to make it look perfect or edit it down.  I am not one to act like life is sugar-coated and all smiles and puppy dogs.  But to be able to see Jesus in the Sh*t, I believe, is to see Heaven come nearer.  May Your kingdom come, Lord Jesus.  Amen.


  • Reply January 8, 2013

    shannon chappell

    So sorry that Andy lost his job. That is just what you guys need right now. (eye roll) I don’t comment much but I do read your blog on a regular basis! I gave up fb about a month ago because I was just sick of it. I love hearing what you have to say. My Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year & recently we got some very bad news. It’s not going away. It’s getting worse. Thank you for your honesty about your feelings with God… it gives me hope. And I just can’t believe that you struggle with all of the daily things just like I do. Even though we are both in very different situations. Very thankful for all of your words. I can relate to all of this.

    • Reply January 16, 2013



      Thank you for your encouragement and honesty. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Praying for all of you. This world is so broken but we can have the hope in Jesus that all things will be made new, in His timing and we can live in wholeness someday with no more sorrow or pain. Blessings

  • Reply January 30, 2013

    Erin Bilik

    Breena, the Lord brought you upon my heart yesterday…out of the blue…and now I know why! Goodness girl!! Reading through the last 9 months of your blog is like reading Job, but you, YOU are such an example of strength and trust. Your steadfastness in our Saviour and our powerful God is amazing and gives me hope in my ever so insignificant daily struggles. I prayed for you often yesterday and you are still on my heart today. I am praying for complete healing for your baby boy and I am praying for more strength and patience for you and Andy. Do you know Mike and Lisa Kerrigan from Grace? Their daughter, Elizabeth suffered from seizures and I am almost certain they used the same diet to help control them.

    • Reply February 8, 2013


      Erin, I am just now seeing your comment! So sorry it’s taken awhile to respond. Thank you for thinking of me and for your prayers. We are so thankful for sisters and brothers from all around the world, praying for Zeke’s healing. He is the sweetest boy and the seizures just rob him of the beautiful boy he is.
      I’m not strong even most of the time but thank you for your encouraging words. I hope you are doing well! How is baby #4?! Fun, isn’t it?! And I am back on FB but cannot friend anyone if you want to catch up that way. FB isn’t allowing me for some reason 😉

Leave a Reply