No buts allowed!

You all may know, Zekey has seizures and I’m doing everything in my power to stop them.  Prayer, diet change, chiropractor and sadly, meds.
All are working!  All have made him better in some way.  Meds aren’t my favorite thing but even those we’ve got under control.
Well, on Friday, I took Zeke to a chiropractor in the Newark area.  Let me back up a little.  God is so good to us!  He’s prepared us for all of this before we knew we’d even face this trial.  Zeke’s preschool teacher is a sweetheart. I felt very comfortable having Zeke in her class because her sister has a very similar story as his.  She connected me with her mom so I could get tips on what she did to help her daughter’s seizures stop (because they did!)  She has been such a blessing!
 Long story short, through chiropractic care in the Newark area, her daughter became seizure free and off meds for 10 years!  Through therapy, she was able to get back on track with her peers.  They came back (as sometimes they do during puberty) and she had surgery to take care of them.
Getting back to my story, Zekey woke up this morning and was throwing a fit.  It wasn’t provoked by anything and he just seemed inconsolable.  I was upstairs making his breakfast (each meal takes about 15 minutes to make and another 45 minutes to feed him).  When Andy brought him upstairs, I could tell things were not right.  He wouldn’t make eye contact and he was doing some weird, repetitive movement in his hands.  It became clear he was having a seizure.
I quickly went into “calm him and comfort him” mode praying that he’d come out of it.  After 5 minutes, he didn’t so I had to use the diastat to pull him out of the siezure.  There was such a peace during all of this.  Honestly, these kinds of seizures, the ones that leave his breathing inconsistant and where I have to use meds to get him out of it, have been gone the whole time we’ve had him on the ketogenic diet.
During all of this, I remembered that the chiropractor said, “Now, his symptoms may get worse before he gets better but I don’t expect that to happen.”
Well, they did get worse and I was so thankful that he told me they may otherwise, I”d be a mess.  Andy and I put so much work into his diet for every.single.meal.  It’s exhausting but the results are totally worth it!  I get my son back and his “major” seizures are gone and his “little” ones throughout the day are decreasing…
Until this morning.  I emailed Zeke’s teacher’s mom to kind of vent.  I just told her what happened and if she experienced anything like this.  Mind you, this was before 7 am.  Zeke was sleeping in my arms (as a post-seizure child would) and I prayed over him.  I cried because I hate failure with his seizures but I wasn’t sure it was actually failure.  Clearly, the chiropractor did something!  Something was working, right?
As I held Zekey on the couch, I decided to check my mail.  Sure enough, I received a very timely email back from her.  She comforted me by telling me the same thing happened to her daughter before she got better.  She told me that she was praying for me and Andy and that she prayed for Zeke’s healing.  She told me that, no matter what, it was all in God’s hands.  Also, she gave me permission to “ramble” (as I put it) anytime.  It got me right in the heart.
*Insert Tweet here* “I love timely words from people that can only be explained by a God who is ever present and pursues me with a deep, unshakable love.”
I needed that SO SO much.  It’s all so simple but guys, going through this with Zeke has rocked our world.  We’re desperately trying everything to give him a chance at a “normal” life…whatever that means anyway.  We want to get to know him more!  We want to know what the constant thoughts are in his head.  He’s such a sweet soul and I can’t help but want more, more, MORE!
But as I fight for those things, whatever God allows is what we get.  His life already looks differently than my other kids’ and that’s okay.  Our “normal” is much different than most people and that’s okay, too.  I’ve gotten over the fact that my life is much different than I planned it would be.  Through all of this, I’m much closer to being the Breena that God originally created me to be and that’s humbling. Life is sweeter and silly things do not bother me so much.  I love that.  Things fall off my shoulders more than ever, and I love that too.
This world is not our home so don’t get too comfy or he’ll rock your world, too.  Comfy is boring anyway.  God is slowly making us anew and it’s exciting and humbling and I kind of can’t wait for Jesus to come back! 😉
My prayer used to be, “Dear God, take us where we need to go but please don’t touch my children!”  Ha.ha.ha.  Har.Har.Har.  Yeah…
Now, I can boldly and trusting say, “Dear God, take us where we need to go and may you give us the strength we need to get through whatever you have for us.”
Ahhh…such peace knowing I can rest in such a strong and loving God who cares for me and my babies more than I’ll ever know here in this “not home” world.

2 Comments

  • Reply March 8, 2013

    Anonymous

    Hey, Breena! I”ve been sitting here on this not-so-busy night at work and realized that I’ve missed your constant presence on facebook over the past ??? months. So, I decided to check out your blog to catch-up of sorts. Enter finding out about your trials and joys and journey with God for the past year. I’ve hungrily read, like, your ENTIRE 2012-13 blog!! LOL! God is so good….frustrating at times, because we want what WE want, but ever so good….and always drawing us into His loving arms. Just wanted to tell you what an encouragement you are in your complete transparancy surrounding zeke and all. I imagine myself not handling your situation with half as much grace. (Although I know He gives grace needed to handle what he gives us.) Yadda yadda, I am babbling. Its 12:46pm here, I’m at the end of a 12 hour shift. :o) Just wanted to say I love you and I’m proud of you. Stay strong, sister, and I’ll be praying for your loverly family. :o) -Sarah Chavez

    • Reply March 17, 2013

      Bree

      Oh, Sweet Sarah! I have always loved you :) Thank you for your comment and encouragement. It is definitely a trial and thankfully, God talks about trials and the good they bring, so that helps. Thank you for your prayers! I hope you are doing so well!!
      Bree

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