“You creatives, you! You get so caught up in your own designs and re-creations. You are fixed on your desires for change before taking the time to see the beauty in what already exists. Think of a seamstress who is working with old curtains. She’s convinced they need a change and is proud of the plan she creates in her head. Then, after already making an unchangeable change, she realizes what already was, was just as it should be.”
The other morning, I wanted to finish the project I started the night before. Who knew?! Kitchen curtains. I used beautiful, white curtains that were hand-me-downs from the family I nannyed for the summer before I got married.
I have used them, then tucked them away, then used them, then lost them, then found them again! Just in time to make my kitchen oh so french-country-homey-esque!
Even though I hadn’t seen them hung in a couple of years, I was convinced the curtains looked like they belonged in a haunted house because of the way they draped too low at the top. So, before I even tried hanging them in my kitchen to see how they would look, I spent an hour cutting down the loops, re-sewing them and adding an extra loop in between. This would give it a more sophisticated feel, if you will. So I thought.
Next, I wanted to take a picture proving to all who would see, just how intelligent I was by giving with a side by side “before and after “. This is when I realized, I was wrong. Oh so very wrong.
Later that day, after finishing the curtians, I hit rock bottom. It happens more often than ever before. For me, it’s when I let fears choke me like weeds to a delecate flower. That’s what I picture…weeds. Spikey, thick weeds slithering up my back and around my neck only to choke me.
It’s when I let lies become a reality. A false reality. Like Facebook. Okay, I’ll drop that one.
It can last 2 minutes or it can last 5 hours. It’s only when I let truth, real truth from the one who created me fill me up, that I can begin to breathe again. I feel the weeds slither away in the sunlight. They scurry like cowards. Weeds know not truth, nor do they want to, nor will they ever.
I cried out to God, begging him to help me. I poured out my requests to him. I told him how much I believed in Him. I told Him how much I needed him…every hour of every day.
I asked him what He wanted from me. Last time it was a song. This time, I had a vision of my curtains and truth washed over me like a crashing wave. And I am here, sharing it with you.
I want change now. I want this trail to end and to move on. I am ready for things to be “better”. I want answers and they better be the ones I am looking for.
But God doesn’t want me to look for change. He waits for me to take a look and see the beauty in what’s present and true in my life right now. My trials are making me weak but strong in Him. I am finding my need for Him exposed more and more. I find comfort and rest in Him.
My timing erases all of that. My will is broken and false and full of loop holes. Pun intended.
What is beautiful is what is already here. Will I accept it?
This morning Andy read to us from Matthew 5:3.”Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
It was on my heart much today. Not to be mistaken for, “whoa is me” because that’s not at all the way in which this verse was intended to be interpreted.
‘Poor in spirit’ has nothing to do with how much or little you own. It has everything to do with your realization with how broken you are. We are. I am. My need for a savior. My need for God in every minute of everyday. My longing for heaven. For home.
When I am on my knees, broken, crying out to God, knowing my need for Him, that is when I will feel God’s goodness. His blessing. When I am at a place of truth, where my needs are surfaced and God is put in His rightful place.
What is your trail(s)? Have you cried out to the one who can bring you comfort amidst the hardships life is bound to bring?
He’s here. Always here, with an unshakeable love and grace to cover a multitude of sins. He loves you, he loves me, very much.