I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that or “I hope you are done!” or “I remember those days…” and I have been hearing either through status’ on facebook or conversations with friends the frustrations a mother has when she’s clearly “got her hands full”. So, with a conversation I had over the phone with my dear friend, Emily who has three beautiful girls (this includes a set of twins) I just had to blog about my heart on this issue.
When I first heard these kinds of comments, I didn’t want to make those people feel as bad as they made me feel so I would kinda just laugh and agree with them. Ew. Never again.
Then I went to the opposite extreme and would let these comments get me all fired up and in a rude tone I would say, “Act-u-a-ly, I really.love.it.” I am so sure, with that tone, I was completely believable 😉
Now, I have really listened to some of these woman (and men!) and here’s what I have concluded. Not all the woman are trying to make us feel bad. Sometimes, they’re saying it with joy in their eyes remembering the difficulty of it all and all they know to say is one of those (annoying) lines. Some of them are looking at me wondering how I do it but commend me for it (those are my favorite. They make me feel all warm and tingly inside).
Another thing to think about is, how do we look with your kids in tow? Do we look miserable? Are we responding as if we’re about to flip a lid or bite my kids’ heads off? If so, it’s not all their fault that they’re saying or thinking those things. We must be aware of our joy even when it’s not easy running errands.
As my eyes have been opened, I don’t think everyone is out to get me. That’s just silly. And if you think that, please reconsider. There is the occasional, “Oh my gosh! That looks like a lot of work!” and you are allowed to want to smack them a good one. You can assume this person has had maybe one child and they just cannot relate and you should learn to be okay with others not understanding.
But always, always my new response is, “It is! But we’re having so much fun!” Because it’s true. It is true that I have my hands full. If they say, “I hope you’re done!” I may say, “Ya never know! This is such a blast!” That’ll teach them! 😉 And if they say, “I remember those days!” I just want to smile and say, “Then you know that it can be crazy but it’s also a lot of fun!”
No matter how I word it, my goal is as they may only see the “crazy”but to shed light on the beautiful chaos and let them know we are having fun. And we are! If we weren’t, I wouldn’t say it.
So, just because you do not understand how one mother does it, be kind and careful with your words. And when someone clearly doesn’t understand your “beautiful chaos”, don’t let it get to you too much. Find a quick response that isn’t demeaning on you or them and move on with those beautiful babes of yours. Maybe even shake what yo momma gave ya as you walk away hoping your kids doesn’t ask “why is your booty so big?” like mine did today 😉