This past week was rough. I thought it was because of my lady times but then I quickly started feeling out of control and that there was no end in sight. I was becoming anxious and needy and couldn’t figure out why.
In the back of my mind for a LONG time and sometimes even in the front of my mind as I discussed with with close friends, I thought about what my idol is and it’s a scary one. Well, for me it is scary. Ready for it? Sweets.
My biggest idol in my life is sweets and I know it because it’s what I struggle with the most and what I do not want to be faced with conquering because of being afraid to fail.
But this past week really opened my eyes more than ever. I was becoming angry when I felt I couldn’t just go out and get myself something sweet. I would feel this sense of “complete satisfaction” when I got exactly what I was craving which quickly turned into a feel of defeat. Is this okay? No! Not it is not.
Just this morning I woke up thinking, “This has got to stop. I need to put an end to my idolatry and put Jesus back on the thrown in this area of my life, because he’s not.” He really isn’t and maybe he never has been. The big ooey, gooey chocolate monster with sea salt and almonds or toffee and chocolate or mint and chocolate is! Mmm…wait, no! Bad, BAD!
There is this fear, though. A fear to fail. I hate failing but the fear to fail is usually the most difficult step to overcoming something soooo it’s silly to let that stop me. In anything.
Just this morning I was thinking of a person in my life who didn’t believe in Jesus or that Jesus really cared for him. He prayed to a god he wasn’t sure was actually listening. Imagine the fear in that. But he just kept praying. Something like, “God, help me to have faith. I do not have faith but I want to and I want to believe.” God heard his cry for 2 weeks. And then this person said, “It was like an explosion and I felt my body actually shake.” The Holy Spirit came into their heart and they are now forever changed.
Now, if God can do something that big and change someones heart that much, why can’t I, someone who loves Jesus dearly and wants to serve and obey him in all I do, pray that God would help me with my silly little idol, too? I can and I will. And He can and He will. I must believe!
I actually feel better already and all I’ve done was name my idol and tell one person. Well now that you’re reading this, more than one person. Who’s counting? Two people. haha! I kid, I kid. Just a little blogger humor.
Anywho, my Saturday morning date that followed these thoughts was a perfect start to killing my idol. Bam! Crash! Wham! (You can gladly picture me side-kicking and punching the big ooey, gooey chocolate monster if that helps. It surely helps me). Healthy eating (always a concern of mine even if I’m not perfect-or even if I am far from perfect).
And just so ya’ll know. I’m not telling you because I need you to ask me if I had any sweets. I am not sure what killing my idol is going to look like. I’m still figuring that out. Praying about it and talking it out with one who knows me well. The hubular. So, thanks but no thanks! 😉
Until next time…