Growing up, I always wanted to be a mommy. I just REALLY loved babies and kids! My dream even as a very little girl was, “I want to marry a Christian man and have four kids.”
When I was in high school, I found out my love of fashion. I watched E! every morning when I wasn’t running out the door with wet hair or a few curlers still attached (after already making my ride, who had my BFF’s in tow, wait 5 minutes). In other words, my love of design and fashion was made aware. Big time.
Most times when I bought a dress for a school dance, I wanted it to have potential. Potential to be changed into something new and from my head!
I would look at the dress and tell my mom or my Aunt Sherry how I wanted it to look. They cut and sewed a little here and a little there until the dress became my own.
I am in the middle. This dress was $7.50 and too big, but we fixed that!
Here I am on the far left at my senior prom. I designed my dress and my mom sewed it for me! I look back and think how cool it was to do this and how blessed I am for having a mom and Aunt let my ideas turn into reality.
My senior year, when I was looking for a school to attend, I was dead set on going to FIT in New York City
. I wanted to go SO badly. To challenge myself in a new state, city- heck, practically a new COUNTRY.
Then there was the fear of it all. Being the first to leave my home and move away, the fear of finding a job, BILLS and of course, school loans.
So, I didn’t go. I went to a community college for a semester but stopped. If I wasn’t going to be doing what I absolutely loved, I wasn’t going to waist my money or my parents’ on what I considered, “second best”.
Many times I have regretted this decision and then, reality sets in. I met my husband in Toledo! I TRULY believe I was also just not spiritually ready for that dive. I may have loved that life so much so, that I would have walked away from my faith in Jesus…the only thing that really mattered.
This past month, my husband was listening to my desire to create come alive again. I started looking at hair schools all while I was trying to convince him, others and myself that I would be okay with going to school at night since I was at home all day with the kids. I also felt this was a good place in design to pursue because the “fashion design ship had sailed”. I had a family to take care of now.
I was also praying about it a lot. Prayer and my relationship with Jesus is very important to me.
As I visited schools, stayed up way too late talking about my excitement with my husband and falling asleep dreaming about being able to work a day or two all while having a creative outlet, something didn’t seem quite right.
Leave it to my husband to call me out on it. One night as we were talking, he lovingly reminded me of my dream to sew and create through clothes. He reminded me of how hard it was for him to work somewhere that didn’t give him as many opportunities in his first love. He said, “Almost but not” was the most depressing place to be. And I saw first hand how hard that was for him. He was right and it was confirmed when my heart started to ache and my throat felt thick as I held back tears.
The next day, I read some of Clover Lane’s blog
which reminded me how quickly the time of having little ones goes! And my sweet little girl was now telling me, all on her own, that she couldn’t wait to be a mommy when she grew up. I was getting the hint.
Who was I kidding?! I didn’t want Andy and the kids eating dinner without me. I didn’t want him to put the kids to bed without the love and cuddles only a mom can give 5 nights a week as I went to school! He had enough on his plate and my heart could not handle that.
Doing hair would be fun! I’m pretty confident I’d be really good at it but it wasn’t what I really wanted.
An even longer story short…my Christmas present.
Another dream my husband has re-awakened. And I’m SEW excited to learn this art that is in. my. blood.